Old Images

Some people like looking at old photos. I don't. Old photos of me remind me that I was fat; for a long time.
A potential employer told me recently that the fat pictures were my best marketing tool for my new Personal Training business. This kinda makes me wanna cry. WHY do I have to show pictures of myself when I was at my worst? I can hear the answer in my head.....because it will help motivate someone else. I really wish the pictures didn't bring me so much pain. Its not about the pictures, its me. Why cant I look at myself? I have feelings of shame and embarrassment. Why did I think it was okay to be that overweight?
I like reading self help books. Currently I am reading Tony Robbins. He says that if the past is undesirable, make up a new one. I struggle with this because my mind seems to find comfort in the pain, sad as that sounds. My pain from my past justifies my current enthusiasm for fitness. I am "running" away from fatness- and all the negative emotions that I keep there.... towards my fitness goals and my new perception of me. I am leveraging my painful emotions about being overweight against the pain of working out, the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotional stuff. Making up a new past doesn't put me in the place where I can share my past with other people. I see that I should make friends with the fat girl.... but.....it feels like a lot of work.
Undoing negative thought processes or habits is actually not that difficult. It does take some concentration. You have to catch yourself in the moment and start asking yourself a lot of questions. I have found this to be helpful. It took a while before I could even catch myself doing or saying the things I wanted to change. Here are some questions Tony Robbins suggests to start your day:
What am I happy about in my life now?
What am I excited about in my life now?
What am I proud about in my life?
What am I grateful about in my life?
What am I enjoying most in my life now?
What am I committed to in my life?
Who do I love? Who loves me?
I sat and answered these questions this morning. It makes it difficult to be negative when you have to honestly answer that I am happy, excited, proud, grateful, committed and enjoying my life! I will be answering these tonight:
What have I given today?
What did I learn today?
How has today added to the quality of my life?
How can I use today as an investment in my future?
You can teach an old dog new tricks. It takes a little reinforcement until it becomes a habit. Maybe someday I will be standing in a room full of people telling them about the fat girl.... without crying.